Posted - July 18 to 20, 2014 | Updated : August 24, 2015

Marvel Knights Spider-Man 17

Ignore the cover, Peter doesn't get beaten up this issue - at least not that much.

Two subplots in this issue. One is about what happens to the "Absorbing Man cocaine". The other is about Virtue the Skrull.

Let's talk about Virtue first.

A little backgrounder. Reed Richards conducted experiments and found out that the mysterious Superman knockoff known as Virtue was a Skrull. A very special Skrull - someone along the lines of a the Super-Skrull. Virtue doesn't know this about himself.

He's very naive, Virtue is, hehehe, he thinks that a pair of glasses can hide his secret identity, hehehe. I just comfort myself that somwhere along the DC comics line, good old DC is also having fun at Marvel's expense. Anyway, Virtue's secret identity is blown. That being so, its really the most ass-backwards time to don a mask.

Hehehe. Talk about locking the barn door when the horse has escaped.

Virtue, in a state of much confusion, goes back to his home in Iowa. The FF are already there. They meet Virtue's father who's good for a few laughs. Check out the nearly-lame Thing joke.

Do you know what 'Monsterism' is? Monsterism is like Racism only it applies to monsters. There are Racists, there are also Monsterists. Virtue is a Monsterist. He flies towards a gathering comprising his Dad and the FF and guess who he picks as the major threat? You guessed it, my favorite Marvel hero.

Mr. Grimm, could you please teach this Monsterist some manners?

Thank you.

Next we have the spaceship that Virtue came from, it comes alive and it hits him with something. Some kind of ray and it changes him like this.

Part of me is happy that the dumb ox is gone and the other part is . . .no . . . I'm happy that the dumb ox is gone. Apparently what we have here is a Skrull Champion and an issue of Marvel Knights Spider-Man is transforming itself to an issue of the Fantastic Four right in front of my very eyes.

At least that's what I thought until Virtue had a crisis and went all "Sentry" on us.

And he flies right out of this issue. I'm sure we'll see him in the next one.

Now let's talk about the second subplot: The Absorbing Man.

A little background: The Absorbing Man changed to cocaine last issue and was packed and sold on the streets by the mob. Yup, its hilarious.

So the junkies start snorting Absorbing Man and this happens.

Notice the girl has "absorbed" the couch?

People who snort "Absorbing Man" cocaine gain the powers of the Absorbing Man (powers given to him by Loki) for an hour.

In the commentaries for Marvel Knights Spider-Man 16 I mentioned that "particle superhumans" like Sandman, Hydro-Man, and Klaw had a way of "regrouping" themselves after getting scattered. I surmised that Absorbing Man would do the same. Here's one of he's particles right now.

Here's the regrouping.

Each particle is body fluid (yuck!) from a cocaine user. Before long . . .

I wish I could say that Crusher is mad because he had to assemble himself from the collected snot and whatnot of junkies but this is his normal temperament.